A slightly off topic blog but relevant for me.
My life has had it’s up and downs just as anyone’s. I deal with the downs by reminding myself how far I have come and how each of those downs has made me grow stronger as a person.
One thing that I can never and will never understand is the need to be negative and down right nasty about other people, people that sometimes we don’t even know.
We have only to look at the comments feeds online, the many many judgemental and awful comments on events and people that you don’t know. For so many the automatic reaction is one of hate.
I was raised to be accepting of everyone. That how someone looks or who they love is nothing to do with the sort of person they are it’s merely a part of them, there is so much more to learn about a person, give each one a chance. So I haven’t ever understood how people can hate so passionately someone they do not know.
I have experienced this myself. People that don’t know me that feel it’s ok to be nasty, to try to cause trouble. To find issues where there are none. I would find myself being dragged into the negative and disliking them back. But I am wrong for that. I refuse to change who I am for a small number of people who the issue is with them in some way. An insecurity or something lacking perhaps? I don’t know.
One of the hardest things to learn is life is that you can’t control what people think about you, you can’t change the words they use. I have tried, when the injustice of a homophobic or racist remark or joke burned me to anger. To make them see you are wrong. The bitchy comments about that pretty girl who has done nothing wrong except be beautiful. The odd ball that danced in the street not caring who was looking being ridiculed. Any horrible comment I would try to change the point of view of the person saying it.
I can’t control what they say about me or others. I can control how I react to it. There are things in life that I don’t like or may not agree with of cause. None of them have anything to do with things that someone can’t control. As I look around me I don’t have a bad thing to say about anyone. When I look at those saying the bad things about me, they have a lot of bad things to say about many around them.
What I don’t understand is why can’t people just focus on kindness. If every day when you felt a negative or bitchy comment coming you change it to a positive. I guarantee you would feel better. Less angry.
On this journey of trying to become parents, 13 years is a long time to build up resentment and anger at the world. It could turn us bitter and resentful. Am I jealous of someone’s beautiful bump or bundle of joy? Of cause. But I don’t know what that family have been through to get there, and even if they were lucky to get pregnant right away is that their fault? No. Should I be angry at them? Nope. I try and be happy for them but it’s ok to be sad for us too, but not angry at them.
I despair sometimes reading social media and the news, even real life around me. The world was not helped with more hate. Hate doesn’t solve any issues. Hating someone you don’t know based on something they can’t help, or even if it’s a trait they could help, why would you waste energy on negativity. We need more love, more compassion, more communication and understanding.
I can’t change that sadly. But as I said I can change how I think and act. I can choose not to listen to the hate and focus on the good. Maybe if enough of us did that it would become difficult for hate to find a voice.