When I started to share our story on my original blog “City Gurl Gone Country” I did it from a place of grief and a little bit of anger.
I started by sharing a meme on Instagram, venting in truth about the pain I was in. I could tell it made some people in my life uncomfortable and that made me so furious!
Why did I want the world to know about my miscarriages? Was it for attention?!
It made me realise just how much the subject is taboo. Something that people often feel should be dealt with quietly and privately. But at that point in my life, after losing 8 pregnancies I could not take the silence anymore! Why should I??
I felt I wanted to scream out from the rooftops how much it hurt and how desperate I was, to make people understand that I couldn’t just give up!! That I was battling my own body to become a mother at any cost.
My response to those asking why I was talking about it was simple. They were my babies, it is my grief and it is my god damn choice to talk about it. I’m blowing the blinking doors of the “behind closed doors” approach. I wanted the world to know about my babies and for others to know I feel your pain!!
The response from other couples having gone through the same thing was overwhelming. It was in that moment I knew I had done the right thing, that after all those years of feeling alone deciding to scream out about our pain – this was the right thing for ME to do. I was being selfish for once.
At Christmas this year I wrote a blog called the Childless Mother and again the response was positive and I received message after message thanking me for talking about it. I knew I wanted to share more, to help more to not let the last 12 years of heartache be for nothing.
The Childless Mother blog started. Within three months we have reached over 3k followers. Small change by some online standards but to me it means everything. To offer a hand to hold through such a stressful time is so amazing and if I help one person to feel just a little better that day for finding me. I am pleased I shared our story.
I wanted to just take a moment to thank you all for following the blog and the social media pages. Please continue to share the page with your friends, you never know who might need the support.
I know it isn’t easy for everyone to talk as openly as I do, but being able to see others that you can relate to I hope this helps. I hope I can find the right words, to bring you comfort when you need it and perhaps to encourage those around you to understand how you may be feeling.
Sending so much love to you all. My life hasn’t taken me in the direction I thought it would but it’s a miracle anyway.
I look forward to seeing what the future holds for us all. ❤❤❤