One the most difficult things for me to deal with while we were in the thick of trying for a baby was the bumps – BABY BUMPS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!!
Before we were trying to get pregnant I never saw them often, after we started and especially when I knew it wasn’t happening bumps everywhere…..even the men!
One day I sat in the vets waiting for my fur babies appointment and in waddles a heavily pregnant dog, with owners proud proclamation that she has large litters……..
“REALLY?? how lovely” I reply….. and under my breathe ….”No one likes a show off Fido!” I may have stuck my tongue out in my head!! At least I think it was in my head =/. I have never had a very good brain to mouth filter!
Now the sensible adult me knows that it isn’t that there are more, simply that it appears to be that way because I am sensitive to it. Didn’t matter it felt like bumps were the new fashion statement.
That being said there is something about a mum cradling her big belly that you do just have to smile, admittedly for me it was sometimes followed by tears!
I sat in a waiting room once waiting for a scan, they had lost my notes so I watched a number of couples and singles come and go. One young girl sat alone and she was waiting as long as I was.
I was having problems following a miscarriage and watching those pregnant bellies was an ice pick to my heart. I sat silent tears falling onto my lap. My husband was away at the time and I was there alone, which I have over the years come to prefer. I can lose my shit if I need to without feeling bad.
Silent tears I have perfected. When I have sobbed out every bit of energy and there is nothing left in my tank, tears can still find away down my cheek quietly “plink, plink, plinking” onto the fabric of my trousers. Just wishing it was all over and I was back home not having to look at another blooming bump.
The young girl came to sit with me and held my hand, she offered me a tissue. We didn’t speak, she didn’t ask me why I was crying. She just held my hand. Some time passed and she had a few tears herself, I truly believe women are a wonderful breed, the empathy we can feel for someone else even if we don’t understand it is amazing.
I was called soon after this, I gave her a watery smile and nodded at her and went inside for my appointment. She was gone by the time I got out. I never found my voice to thank her. That one act of kindness that day made it a little easier.
I never really felt the same about bumps after this. Sure I felt jealousy at times, but it occurred to me that I don’t know what is going on behind the bump. When I started to imagine all the wonderful stories that might be told in the making of the bumps they became less hurtful. Who knows if they had struggled to conceive, maybe even lost a child. Perhaps it was unplanned and the bump terrified them as much as it upset me.
Seeing the real women behind the bumps made me feel a bit better. If its one thing we do well its support. Friends, family and in this case a stranger consoling a broken women who was devastated at losing her child. I think we are pretty wonderful, don’t you agree?
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