For many years I have found writing to be a therapeutic tool. When I tried to process some of the most dark moments of my life putting pen to paper seemed to help in the way a pensieve does in the Harry Potter books. Carefully pulling the threads of dark thoughts and heart break out of my busy head and keeping them safe between the pages of my diaries. Blogging seemed like a natural progression from diary to internet.
I am by no means a professional writer and in truth a lot of what I have done was for me, that was until I started to share the story of our losing our babies. So many other women have since reached out to me that I finally feel like the last 12 years of heart break may have some meaning. I decided to separate my blogs and create one for our journey to become parents.
I hope you will find some comfort from our stories, I will share with you various stages of our journey as well as ways in which I have dealt with those awkward family moments.
To start this site I will give you a summary of who I am. I am 36 and I have been with my husband for nearly 14 years. I have PCOS and we have suffered multiple losses at very early stages of pregnancy. My life over the last 12 years has been consumed with baby making, I have felt broken and useless and totally alone. I have only recently started to pull myself together and acknowledge a future without children.
December 21, 2018 at 3:16 pm
Although this was written 2 years ago I feel like this is my story now as I am 36, I have PCOS, and have suffered multiple losses as well with a recent loss just a couple weeks ago. After 4 losses I feel like it’s time also for me to give up on the thought of being a mother to a living child but its so hard when it’s all you think about. Well thank-you for these blogs it’s s good to know im not alone in my feelings!
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December 22, 2018 at 8:29 pm
It’s a mad roller coaster going through this. I’m so sorry for your losses. I wish I had a miracle story to share to be hopeful for others, sadly I think we will be one of the few that don’t get our baby. I just hope that we can offer support and let others know it does get better with time. It still hurts but you find a way to cope with it. Sending hugs. It’s just not fair. I hope that you are one day telling me about your miracle ❤️
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